Grad Student-Advisor Issues

You and Your Advisor: Establishing Good Relationships

Although most student-advisor relationships at Caltech are quite good, many students have been complaining over the past several years about frustrating or non-existent relationships and the difficulties this brings to a person trying to complete an already difficult task - earning a Ph.D. Too many students felt their only option was to leave the Institute because there was, in their eyes, no way to get things back on track. It is the Institute's hope that fewer students will feel backed into this position and that more open and productive communication will become the norm.

The purpose of this short series of articles is to look at different ways of keeping the advisor/student relationship on track and some tips on getting around stumbling blocks with as few bruises as possible.

Setting the Stage

From my point of view, one of the objectives for a student to consider is to work with an advisor whose interpersonal and work style fit your needs. For example, it is foolish for a person, knowing that regular feedback and availability is necessary to her/his optimum work, to choose an advisor who regularly spends ½ of the year in Turkey. Nevertheless, this is a common occurrence on campus where the pull of the science overrides how the two people will form the partnership necessary for completion of the Ph.D.

Although flexibility is necessary in every relationship, there should be a discussion about expectations from the very beginning. Having a dialogue early establishes not only some ground rules, but begins a relationship as well. One thing that can be established at this time is "how we are going to keep in touch". I suggest that e-mail is wonderful only up to a point; I'd push for some old-fashioned face to face meetings as well.

Check out the grapevine. Your fellow students who have been here awhile know the reputation and styles of the different labs, and what you can expect, and not expect from working there. Take this information and try it on, see whether or not it is meaningful to YOU. After all, we're all different and one man's poison is another's delight.

Learn who the natural helpers are in the Division. There are always faculty who are great problem solvers and who understand and RESPECT the issue of confidentiality. It's fine to ask your Option Rep. or another faculty member (confidentially, of course) for their best ideas in how to resolve some sort of conflict that you feel might be brewing, or that's already at the boiling point. Faculty know their colleagues and have a good sense of what will and what won't work. Obviously, trying to resolve problems before they catch on fire is the way to go, AND that is much easier to do when you have established as solid a relationship as possible with your advisor. It should be up to you if you want an Option Rep or other faculty to speak to your advisor to try to resolve issues.

Remember that it's unproductive to force a student to work with an advisor and vice versa if the relationship has broken down. It's up to both sides to have a dialogue about the work being done BEFORE things get out of hand. However, remember that the silver lining to a dark cloud might be changing to a better environment, an advisor with whom you have a good relationship, a more meaningful project, etc. It's not a crime to change advisors, and it is also important that you not be harassed for doing so.

Earning a Ph.D. is a lot of hard work, and is a growth experience as well. In many instances, your ideas of what you want to work on, what you want to do with your life, etc. change. Don't shortchange your learning experience because of fear. Spend as much time as possible trying on different scenarios, and develop a clear rationale regarding the direction in which you want to go. Your new goals may include the need to change advisors, Divisions, schools. But in many cases, your new goals can be accommodated right here at Caltech, with the very same advisor. That is one of the beauties of being in a small, flexible environment. But you need to communicate clearly what you wish to do and have a frank discussion with him/her.

If Things Get Out of Hand:
Tips on resolving issues that are productive (hopefully) rather than destructive.*

OK... so you've done your homework, have chosen an advisor with whom you feel comfortable, everything is going along smoothly, and then……wham! Something happens that upsets the relationship and YOU need to do something about it because HE/SHE isn't!

How can you have a productive discussion?
First of all, RESIST all temptation of having the discussion on e-mail. Succumbing to this inclination because you are too intimidated to meet your advisor face to face will only be a self-fullfilling prophecy……things probably will turn out poorly.

Plan in advance what you want to say - making some notes for yourself will help keep you on track. Get advice from trusted friends and faculty. Your problem with your advisor is not everyone's business, just the business of those who can provide some assistance. I'll be happy to add my contributions as well.

When you do sit down with your advisor, here are some tips to remember.

• Clearly own your messages by using "I" statements.
  For example, "I feel, I'm concerned, I'm confused" will counteract the natural inclination of another to become defensive…….and most times, the conversation ends right there.
• Separate the people from the problem.
  Conflicts are often disagreements about issues and/or clashes of personality style. It's important to separate the two. Don't focus on personal styles; rather focus on the specific issues.
• It's important that each of you has an opportunity to explain your positions. Listen to the other side carefully and respectfully. These tips, by the way, are key ingredients of clear communication.
• Focus on interests, not positions.
  Don't argue your position without knowing "why" your advisor is asking/telling you to do certain things that you feel are unfair. By asking "why" and "why not" will help you to understand where he/she is coming from and can develop a common incentive for resolution based on having both sets of interests satisfied. One can say, "Sounds like we both want the same thing in the end. Can we explore different ways to get there?"
• Invent Options for Mutual Gain
  There is obviously a power differential in this discussion that needs to be acknowledged. Part of your preparation for the discussion is to think of creative alternatives that might work their pros and cons, etc. without getting entrenched in an "either/or" situation. Also, be prepared to readjust your thinking as the conversation progresses. Be creative and logical, but not ridiculous with your suggestions. Ask the same of your advisor. Everyone likes "win-win" situations.
• Try to Use Objective Criteria
  Hopefully you have been having productive conversations with your advisor/thesis committee as to what will constitute completion of work for the Ph.D., and agree that you are moving in the right direction. However, every once in a while, a student is asked for more…and more……and more. If you all agreed to a certain standard, find out - in specific behavioral terms - WHY you are being asked (to write another paper when 3 have been published, run another set of experiments when you have already reached the agreed upon results, stay on when you have a Post-Doc/job waiting, etc) for more work. It is not productive for anyone to get into a "he said, she said" argument.
• Before you leave the office, reiterate what you have heard. It's very important that nothing has gotten lost in the discussion, and this is a good way to make sure that the two (or more) of you are on the same track and have heard the "same conversation." Also determine a date for a follow-up meeting.

*see also Fiske, S, Dysfunctional Advisee-Adviser Relationships: Methods for Negotiating Beyond Conflict, April, 1998, AAAS Website also Fisher, R, and Ury, W; Getting to Yes; Penguin Books, New York; 1983

After the Discussion

Some people find it helpful to put in writing a plan of action based on the conversation. Ask your advisor if he/she would mind if you did this to again clarify where the two of you are going, understanding that there might need to be readjustments as you move along.

While it is an established fact that the Doctoral program is designed to foster independent thought and work, when there is a problem one should up the number of contacts until it is agreed that the problem has been resolved. Don't be a whiner, but don't disappear back into the lab again without more than usual contact with your advisor. When you see him/her, make sure that you are prepared with all of the relevant information that needs to be shared. Have a plan of action. Everyone at Caltech has busy lives, and no one appreciates unpreparedness.

Let's say that things didn't go very well, and the relationship looks shaky at best. I would visit the Option Rep or another trusted faculty member - a problem solver type, or use other "helping" resources on campus to talk about what's next. Maybe it's a change of advisors, maybe it's a change of majors, maybe it's a change of schools. Remember that the best of plans can change, and one needs to look at all options available to them, especially in times of crisis. Either the Ombuds office or the Counseling Center can help you formulate an answer to that greatest question of all……what do I tell my parents?????.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this series, Caltech advocates fair and professional communication between grad students and their advisors. You may need to be a more active participant in this process than you suspected. Indeed, you might have to take the first step in getting issues resolved. However, you will find that by doing this, you will probably avoid many pitfalls and surprises coming your way, and will complete your Ph.D. with a minimum of additional stress. The relationship with your advisor is a partnership and it is important to establish as much mutuality and collegiality as possible. Try to keep this relationship in good working order.

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