Love is for Life: Pastoral Letter of the Irish Bishops
PART II Putting Love Into Love
(10.) TRUTHFULNESS IN SEXUAL LOVE
60. Speaking of marriage, Our Lord said: "What God has united,
man must not divide". Something similar could be said about the other
unities which God has sealed into sexual love: the unity between sex and
faithful lifelong love; the unity between sex and life-giving; the unity
between sex, life-giving and marriage. God has united these also, and man
must not divide them. The great sins against God's plan for sexuality are
each of them sins of separation. They separate sexual enjoyment from the
wholeness of its meaning and the integrity of its God-given design. Sex
is a language of love; but sexual sin suppresses one part or another of
the truth of love. The tragedy of sexual sin is that it separates a part
of loving from the rest and pretends that it is the whole of loving. It
is a falsehood.
61. Love is a constant theme in modern culture. Modern song and music ceaselessly
drum out the message of love. Theatre and cinema portray it. Newspapers,
radio and television stories and features constantly have love for their
theme. But invariably they deal with love in a mutilated sense. A selection
is made from among the values of love. The values of fidelity, exclusiveness,
dependability, stability, childbearing, founding of a family, love of children,
are downgraded; while the values of sexual compatibility, erotic passion,
emotional ecstasy, are given high rating. It is easy to pass to a notion
of sexuality as merely an imperious, over-mastering physical urge, which
it is natural to indulge and which it is perhaps dangerous to repress. Control
of sexual inclination is made to seem unnecessary or impossible, or perhaps
even harmful. The popular term, "sexually active", is a good illustration
of this crude idea of sex.
62. It is worth noting that "making love" in modern speech has
come to mean having sexual intercourse. Its value is measured in terms of
erotic intensity and sexual climax. The very term leaves out of account
all that is most important in the meaning of love. It ignores the task of
the "making" of a love which is faithful unto death . The modern
term "lovemaking" shows no concern to make sexual intercourse
an expression of genuine giving of self and sharing of life. The term pays
no attention to the building of a caring, faithful and lifelong relationship.
Love is not understood in terms of unselfish self-giving, sincerity and
fidelity. In short, love is not given its true meaning. The language of
love is misused. In such cases, sex is divided from love. The sin of separation
is manifest; the untruth about love is plain.
63. Sexual relations are sometimes engaged in thoughtlessly and on the mood
and impulse of the moment. Not infrequently, they occur on occasions when
people have taken too much drink. Indeed, sometimes girls are encouraged
to drink in order that their resistance may be lowered. It would take only
a little reflection to realise that casual sex excludes nearly everything
that love means and denies what sex, as a language of true love, is intended
to say. It is deplorable that the supreme expression of communion of body
and spirit and life between a man and woman should be made into something
casual and trivial. Sexual communion should be treasured as the climax to
a gradual growing together in affection, in understanding of each other,
in acceptance and forgiveness of each other, in sharing interests and secrets
with each other, in praying with each other. Sexual intercourse should come
only when the love has become so sure of itself that it can be solemnly
pledged and sacramentally sealed in marriage Then and only then is the sexual
expression of love honest and truthful, responsible, good and pure. Then
and only then does sexual language truly say "I love you", and
mean it, without qualification or reservation.
Net publishing courtesy of the Newman Center at Caltech
Back to: Table of Contents